What the tOOt !?!?!?

Here's a real case senario.......

Couple of months ago on a warm summer night, there was this fine man who was feeling abit lonely because his wife was having a girls' night out and was going to spend her night in a hotel with her girlfriends. Meanwhile his own son and daughter were either away travelling or spending a night at a friend's house, although his mother was present and asleep soundly in the third level of his house.
Nonetheless, this man had a god-daughter (of the same age as his son), whom he knew he could count on to accompany him for a night of dvd and sips of red. The god-daughter was about to head back to her own house but felt abit guilty for she knew that her god-father'd appreciate if she'd just be his companion for the night and there was nothing to worry about because she'd stayed over there so many times before and even had her own wash up kit in the house. So after the movie and two glasses of red, they called the night off and proceed to their own room right away.

Upon waking up the next morning, god-daughter went to third level to greet her god-grandmother before she left. However, the god-grandmother was surprised to see her and felt abit puzzled afterwards (just because she came from overseas not long ago and thus didn't really recognized the god-grand-daughter). So when her own daughter-in-law came home later, the confused old lady then asked what the toot was going on. Daughter-in-law was very upset when she found out what happened, and so she confronted her husband about why he was spending the night alone with his god-daughter when nobody was home. When the god-daughter next spoke to her god-mother, she sensed that something was wrong and got very upset when she realized that the god-mother was having such a negative perception on her. In a way, she felt that she was accused of seducing her own god-father........??? 

Sadly, for the next few months, there were no contact whatsoever between the god-daughter and her god-parents. Recently, the god-daughter got back in touch with her god-father and realized that her god-mother was still overwrought with the same sensitive issue. God-daughter felt very heartbroken indeed because deep down in her heart, she really loved her god-parents for being so kind-hearted, generous and helpful, and most importantly she was very grateful to have them looked after her so well during her younger years. The last thing she wanted was to have such a broken relationship because all she cared for was the friendship and god-parentalship that they'd built over the years.

So what could she do to fix the problem, if there was any? To appologize for staying over when nobody was around even though she was invited by her god-father who was quite lonely on that particular night??? Or to be forgiven when she merely had one scanty thought about anything else but being of use and accompany her own god-father for just that one night???

Anyhow, in order to act rationally and of sophistication, the god-daughter should perhaps just rock up and appologize at the very least for making her god-mother distressed about the entire situation. Notwithstanding, to be accused of something so unworth of being accused at is just ridiculously absurb.

tOOt.

Why.

呀!
Why,
When you want something so bad,
You just can't get it because you want it so bad.

Why,
When you don't want anything else and that you don't care,
You'll get something without a single crack.

Do you believe in "no pain no gain"??
I do believe in it but even so, sometimes you don't need to work hard to get something because you just can't get it no matter how extremely hard you try. So why the pain when there ain't gonna be any gain??
Then there you'd be granted with something else, dexterously, and what, that's just something you have no desire to own.

咳...
I don't need anything. Don't want anything.
Just don't give me nothing.

D o n' t.

Funny Thing...

I thought I've grown quite abit over time and be much stronger than I used to be, ain't no more that cry-baby-softy sorta girl. Still, at times you'd skew back to your very ownself and retract back into your shell where you cry it all out - about every single peculiar thing that you'd never thought would make such an impact on you (well, especially after abit of a boost of course), then waking up all happy and cheery again asking yourself "What was frking wrong with me?"
I realised it's been a strange pattern, very strange, although it's a once-in-a-blue-moon thingy after having "specifically" provoked.


Anyway, I'm all happy. Very happy that my beloved mum is happy and lively again. Delighted that her Ca125 level's plummet back to the healthy level where it should've been. Of course we'll still keep monitor the level every frequent now and then. Still, it's an awesome HAPPY news for me~!!!:)

xoxoxo

What would you do....

If you keep experiencing
disappointments over mishaps,
displeasures over sorrows,
grievances over heartaches.

Wouldn't you feel
lost and defeated,
or perhaps at the edge of giving up?
That's what I would do.

Sometimes you'd try so hard to be optimistic, nonetheless no matter how much you try to get to the top, if you keep getting beaten and crippled, you'd be so discouraged and just lose hope, wouldn't you?

That's what happens to poor cancer patients when their cancer relapse over and over again, or specifically, poor cancer patient who's just battled through lots of mournings and pains in addition to their own misery.

Force of Nature

Force Of Nature - Lenka

Mama do...

Pixie Lott - Mama do -

Take Me Away.

Pocket Full Of Sunshine - Natasha Bedingfield

Guilty - Yann Tiersen

Guilty - Yann Tiersen

Childhood and Home

Recently, I had a flashback of most my childhood memoir after looking over and over again at the photos that Shu-Yin posted up in facebook back in 1993 up till 1999. Its really nice being able to reminisce such beautiful reflections of ourselves when we were little, once in a while.

How I miss those times, miss all of you, miss being innocent and naive, miss the genuine happiness and laughter, miss the solid friendship we built over the few years, miss the freedom, miss being irresponsible, miss playing "cop and thief" during history or add-math classes, miss catching public transports with besties, miss car-pooling with besties after tuition classes, miss going to besties' house for a cookout and movie night, miss having besties over at my place, miss hanging out with besties, miss going hiking trips, miss going to camps, miss having school activities under the hot sun.

Miss being taken care of, miss the love and attention from home, miss having mum or dad to come pick me up after school, miss having mum waiting and looking out for me while I have my swimming lessons, miss mum driving me around like crazy after school for piano lessons, miss mum driving me to tuition and dancing classes, miss taking money from mum's wallet, miss popo's home-cooked food, miss having cake-bread wraps for school break, miss the long phone chats and get scolded by granny, miss the smell of rain, miss having full family reunion dinners, miss pillow fights with koko and ercia, miss watching tvb series with family during dinner time, miss home.

If only.....................
Life doesn't evolve,
Clock doesn't tick,
Happiness remains,
Immortality exists,

Reality is,
Life evolves,
Clock ticks,
Happiness's temporary,
So is birth.

Who can tell.......................
What's gonna happen next?
How shall one face grieves, and more grieves?
Be strong one shall, but to what extend shall one's strength be?
Heartbreak is an affliction,
One that's most difficult to heal,
Even with time.

Skipalong.....

Skipalong - Lenka
So tired of feeling blue
Such a heavy weight on you
So shake it off and make your way to somewhere different
To somewhere different
Oh no now you're leaving me oh what will you do
All alone in the big bad world but I'm not worried, no

'Cause you're gonna skip along
Quite merrily baby, you're gonna revel in hating what's going on
And you're like a sugar bomb
And no harm will come
No harm will come if you just skip along

Acting oblivious
Comes natural to us
Keep smiling knowing all the while the world will fall apart
The world will fall apart

So we're gonna skip along
Quite merrily baby we're gonna revel in hating what's going on
Yeah you're like a sugar bomb
And no harm will come
No harm will come if you just skip along

Wouldn't it be lovely to be home home
Safe and sound with no one round to bring us down but that's so far away

So I'm gonna skip along
Quite merrily baby, I'm gonna revel in hating what's going on
Yeah I'm like a sugar bomb
And no harm will come
No harm will come if I just skip along
Just skip along
Quite merrily

Popo

All of a sudden, I felt a very strong urge to go home after speaking to koko. It's from the conversation between koko and popo yesterday, when popo asked us to go home more often. She added that she may only live for another ~2-3 years. I still can't believe how could she'd even said that????? Nooooo, please don't. She can't even think of that issue. NO.

I hate to think that popo's very weak now. I hate to know she's old. To me, she's always young with most beautiful skin, kind and very open-minded. She's been the strongest woman in my family, in my life apart from tacia. I can't help keeping my emotion under control on realization of how helpless I am now, being so far away and not cherishing any moment with her, not being there for her whilst she needs me most. I miss her very much. I know how lonely she gets having to stay at home and not being able to go anywhere with her weak body and limbs.

I need to do something. I need to go home. I want to talk to popo. I want to hug popo. I want to kiss popo. I miss popo.

Popo, I love you.

Scientist

I Am A Scientist - The Dandy Warhols

Life Sucks, and that's NOT good.

Below is a list of "Lessons in Life" (extracted from a forwarded mail), written by 90-years-old Regina Brett. Though I may've totally agreed with her during the pioneer round of translation, however its still quite a challenge to implement some of the concepts in daily circumstance - at least for me.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. Don't think it's ever O.K.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch .

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck..

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer. Well, at least in some respect a yes wouldn't be the answer either.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you. Right.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything.. . Give time time. Still trying to prove that it'll be as truly stated.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. To good or bad?

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles. Would love to.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Hibernated.

Been hibernating for a while now. Excuses for it?

1. Busy with research life.
2. Busy with part time jobs.
3. Can't be bothered.
4. Laziness.

Anyhow, kicking my heavy ass now - to keep track on what I've been/am up to.

Time flies. Already been back home for more than 2 weeks, leaving myself less than two weeks to go before I have to fly back to Melbourne to face the lonely challenging life, again....*sigh*

Nevertheless, its been great so far to be back home, of course. Got to meet up with darling koko and his family, my cute lil nephew, my beloved popo papa and mama, my sweet ercia, my dearest preggy best friend and all my great childhood friends plus college friends. Felt good to get to meet my two elder nephews as well, though they seemed to have changed. Young and innocent they still are, so I have no comments whatsoever for them as long as they are happy and obedient.
Being back home is different this year. There's this mixed feeling of happiness and sadness in me, which I sometimes find it confusing. Looking into the eyes of my father, my mother and my grandmother, I occasionally find it difficult to act cheerful or act as if nothing has ever happened, knowing that deep down they are still very very heart-broken.
Meanwhile, Ewe Lin reckons there's nothing to be grieved about anymore, and I should try to forget the past so that I could move on. I thought I have successfully overcome myself (by working as hard as possible to pass my time while in Melbourne) yet only to realize that I'm ain't as strong as I hoped to be, now being back at home.
Nonetheless, I believe that time will heal, and one day we'll all candidly accept the fact that "tacia" has already settled down happily in another world, whilst my two nephews will soon grow up to be kind-hearted and sophisticated gentlemen as hoped by their beloved mother.

Right, I'll now continue to enjoy my relaxing holiday back home, so that I am fully rejuvenated and charged before having to face the tough life in Melbourne again.

Oh, and hereby I wish all of you a very Happy New Year and that the year of OX will bring you lots and lots of happiness, laughter, success, prosperity and whatever you've dreamt for.

xoxoxo.